27 October 2006

Toil and Trouble

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." ~ Bertrand Russell

My mood has cleared today. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. I used to have a two-day turnaround on depression, but it's definitely not something I can always count on. No matter how long it takes, fighting it only seems to make it more entrenched. I've learned to just let the depression stay as long as it needs to, but lately that feels a little scary to me.

I'm bogged down with this project I've been working on. For two days I've tried to understand what the software makers are trying to tell me (via the Help menu) and for two days I've been completely clueless. I could have sworn I took some tests that indicated I'm an intelligent person. If that's so, why the hell can't I figure this out?

I've finished the first half and everyone is happy with the results. The second half has always been the most critical for me and not because it would make everyone's my co-workers' lives easier. I mean, that's a good thing, but the really crucial issue is my ability to beat the software into submission. I enjoy doing this so I should be good at it, right? Yes, that's what I thought, too.

I printed out some of the help topics and took them home with me last night. I thought maybe being in a different environment and not sitting in front of the computer might be more productive. If I'm in front of the computer, I can't stop myself from experimenting. Sometimes you just have to leave the computer alone while you figure out what to do with the stupid thing. That was pointless. As I read and made notes, I could tell that my comprehension skills were deficient. I decided to stop and work on it again today.

It's a beautiful day here. The sun is shining again, which always has a profound effect on my mood. My little squirrel friends should be out and about, but I don't see any of them. It's a little chillier than it has been (that would be in the 80's) and they're usually energized by the coolness. It's also Perky Puppy weather, so I imagine my dogs will keep me busy when I get home.

Hubby's been busy with a project all week, but I'm making him apply for a job I'm fairly certain he can get. This employer is so desperate they won't care that he hasn't had a regular job in 20 years. I talked to him earlier this morning and he told me he was working on the online application. Hubby having a job would go a long way towards improving my general outlook on things.

All I have to do now is get through the rest of the day. What then? Well, all I'll have to do is get through the weekeend.

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