Lessons and Tasks

Since I changed cable systems, I now have access to the EWTN channel (Eternal Word Television Network). It's a Roman Catholic channel; they have Mass every day, a program on Carmelite spirituality, lots of other RC topics.

It's a little conservative for my tastes (my church of choice is Paulist), but I've been tuning in for Mass every afternoon. I haven't attended Mass in many years, but participating (as much as I can) in the televised version makes me long for that connection.

I have a very broad spiritual philosophy--many paths lead to the same destination. God speaks to us in the multitude of ways we're individually able to hear. Some of us hear the word a little better via Episcopalian doctrine, some Baptist, etc. Some of our paths are not Christian. They're Buddhist, Sufi, etc.

Please don't send me comments about the True Word of God. I'm not interested in debating or converting.

The homily yesterday reminded us that, when "bad" things happen to us, maybe it's God's way of reaching out and getting our attention. God has lessons for us all and sometimes those lessons come through hardship. I'd forgotten that's a valid Christian viewpoint.

I hear a lot more about what God wishes to give to us materially. Or how we can talk God into giving us whatever it is we long for or think we deserve. Did I deserve the life I've gotten? I've been given the life I need, for reasons I don't necessarily understand. It's up to me to keep mind and heart open, to "accept hardships as the pathway to peace...trusting that God will make all things right if I surrender to God's will." (Reinhold Niebuhr) In Buddhist terms, every person I meet is a Buddha sent to help me learn a lesson which will hasten my steps along the path.

The homily warmed my heart. It helped me remember my own spiritual reasons for embracing the life I've been given. May I learn the lessons I've been sent to master; may I complete the tasks I've been sent to accomplish. I may not know what they are; all I have to do is to let go every day. I'm not in charge here. It's been a hard lesson, but at least I've gotten that far.

Introducing the Information Superhighway

I knew the Information Superhighway several years before she came to work in Crazy Land. She worked for another firm that provided services to my company. When Money Man was hired, Owner decided we needed a trustworthy assistant and she seemed to be the perfect candidate. (The acquisition of Money Man was yet another complex story I'll get around to at some point.) She was (and still is) hardworking, dedicated, thorough and intelligent.

Several years ago, I started calling her the Information Superhighway whenever I discussed her with my family. You know the importance I place on entertainment value when it comes to Crazy Land--even with my own family.

Anyone who's ever worked in an office knows (or has known) at least one person like her. Superhighway takes great pride and pleasure in maintaining a rather intense personal relationship with all of the people she meets in a professional capacity. She's friends with our contract employees and friends with employees of service providers. I mean as in coming over to her house friends. This quality is deeply perplexing to me. There are certain benefits, though, like knowing about the personal lives of all of these people.

Superhighway doesn't like all of her coworkers, but she has the lowdown on all of us. If you tell the Superhighway something, you can bank on the fact that everyone else in the office will know about it within 48 hours. I have sometimes floated information through the Crazy Land pipeline via the Superhighway. It's s almost always a tactical decision, but during my cancer treatment, she was very helpful to me in keeping everyone up to date on the progress. She's so much more effective than a group email. She may be faster in disseminating the skinny than any electronic means. I've tested the method over a period of years and it's always been reliable.

Obviously, it's critical to edit out any negative comments about anyone here in Crazy Land. Don't think for a minute that negative comments are excluded from dissemination. As we all know, I believe in direct discussion with co-workers. I do not engage in unfriendly chatter about them and I don't respond to office gossip. Engaging in that self-indulgence is unprofessional and overstepping that boundary can also have unpleasant ramifications. In virtually every job I've ever had, I made it a priority to identify the Information Superhighway in the company. The Superhighway can be an important strategic tool.

This all sounds very cold-hearted, but that's not the case. She's a personal friend and has been for years. I have actually been to her house not once, but twice. This is virtually unheard of in my professional history. After I've spent at least 40 hours a week with people whom I've not chosen to be a part of my life, I do not wish to see them socially. I made a mistake in breaking that rule early on in my career and the co-worker practically took over my personal life. She was an alcoholic and the director of the company. Another story, another time. Superhighway has been granted special dispensation, but I've done about all I'm going to do in that regard.

Well, time has slipped away once again. Rat Man called to ask for help with MS Word, so I spent some time with him. People here believe I know everything about software. (They seem to believe I have a more than passing familiarity with many things. Beats me.) That assumption is gravely incorrect and I have no idea what makes them believe it. Generally I have to keep trying things until I get it figured out. Sometimes I have to override built-in capabilities and do it the old-fashioned way. Luckily for Rat Man, I had encountered this problem before and resolved it relatively quickly.

Then my mom called because she was having trouble logging in to one of her newly created online bill payment services with one of her fave companies. Oh my god, what a poorly designed site. I had to click "Pay Bill" on literally five separate pages to actually get to the place to pay the bill. Mom has dial-up, so that complicated everything. She couldn't see the screen as I walked through it because, of course, she was talking to me via the land line. We decided that we'll revisit the process this evening. That will probably be far more effective. She also had some questions about spam and anti-virus programs. I suggested that we proceed one baby step at a time, because it can all be overwhelming at first. We're going to conquer the payment issue first.

I'm not sure I had any more information to impart about the Information Supherhighway, but I speak of her relatively frequently and I thought you'd enjoy a more well-rounded picture of her and the role she plays in Crazy Lane.

We still haven't covered Useless One or the Question Lady at all. And there's more to say about Money Man, Lying Boy, Daddy's Girl, Rat Man and maybe Owner. Owner is iffy. He not only pays my salary, but has been friends with my husband and me for over 35 years. Not that he doesn't have quirks. But then don't we all. I may even have to cover some of my more negative (but entertaining) personality traits as they manifest themselves in the Crazy Land environment. I certainly bring some nuttiness to bear in my work life. Hell, let's cover it all.

Driving Me Crazy in Crazy Land

I'm feeling inexplicably better today. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that it's Friday and I get to go home early (to therapy), then I don't have to see any other Crazy Land denizens for a full two days. It's so easy to make me happy these days.

I had an impromptu meeting with my internal customer, Rat Man, for whom I'm creating the database. The design changes--that have nothing whatsoever to do with the actual functioning of the db--are driving me absolutely insane. Move this line down half an inch, the left margin is too wide. He is driving me fucking crazy. I'm always a lot more focused on function rather than form. At first, anyway. Just let me get the damn thing to work and we'll spend as long as you wish dicking around with how it looks. Jeez.

I've had several encounters with Money Man, but I've avoided any real conversation with him. We sometimes share the same air space, but that's about it. He hates me in a big way. I passed Lying Boy and his sister, Daddy's Girl*, coming down the stairs yesterday. It surprises me how quickly they rose up through the ranks of people I dislike. The family now fills the top three spots. These are definitely tough competitors; it's hard to capture all three in one fell swoop. As for their specific rankings, Money Man has to be first (only because he's the oldest, really), then Lying Boy, then Daddy's Girl.

No one has spoken to me about cats at all. Wise decision.

I'm going to write a separate post now regarding the Information Superhighway--who she is, why she's earned that name, etc. That way you won't have to plow through my usual excessively long posts. Isn't that just like me? Always thinking of your comfort. You're worth it.

* I told you I'd find a name for her.

Bad Day, But I'm Bucking Up

I'm having a bad day today, sitting in my office crying. Why? Well who the hell knows. I actually had to leave a minute ago and spend some time in the other building, sobbing. Then I walked around the block to make sure I wasn't carrying the Dreaded Fleas into the main building.

Today I guess I'm thinking of everything I've lost. It wasn't just a breast, it wasn't just a childhood, it wasn't even innocence. It wasn't any of those individual things. I'm not sure I can even enumerate them. And, after all, what would be the point of that? Sometimes hope seems so far away I have no idea of how I'll reach it, or if I ever will. Hope for what? If I knew, I'd be working hard to get it.

It's a bad day. That's all. One of the great things that breast cancer taught me is that it's just fine to cry. Furthermore, I couldn't stop it even if I wanted to. And I really, really want to. I'm a person who just gets up every day, hoping to learn whatever lessons the universe has to teach me, and I get on with things. Buck up. Get a grip. Move on.

I'm more composed now. Thanks for listening. I am now officially bucking up. I might even have a macadamia nut or two.

Notes From The Parasite Taxi Stand

My brain is a bit fried from showing up at work at 7:00 a.m. I know that's not so early in the grand scheme of things, but I am so not a morning person. It is a huge deal to my brain. I've been working on the relational database all morning, so my thought processes are in a completely different mode than verbal. Relational or something like that. Anyway, that's a brief explanation of why exactly I may not be my usual sardonic self. Apparently it takes some energy to be sardonic. I'm going to plow ahead anyway.

One more thing before I get started. Oncology surgeon visit coming up on June 21. I don't wish to go there again so soon, but you know I'm in love with Dr. Ross so it could definitely be worse.

I've been meaning to get around to the complete Kitty Catastrophe story because I was so happy about how it turned out that I didn't even feel like sharing the gory details. The fun stuff is always hidden in those details. (See "Crazy Land In An Uproar")

I'm guessing that, in the email Money Man sent to the Owner, regarding the source of the fleas on his beloved boy, he mentioned the high cost of flea and rat extermination. Money Man should have known better. Owner does not like to be told what to do. It's not like it isn't his company or anything. Money Man tends to forget that, at his own peril.

Owner merely referred to the Money Man email in our conversation. He did not share the actual contents. Nonetheless, the finger of blame was, of course, pointed at me. As I said before, Lying Boy entered my office and hordes of fleas immediately saw him as their big chance to take a taxi over to a new, tastier venue. I've decided to be bad-tempered and angry about the accusation. As a matter of fact, the more I think about it, the more pissed off I get.

Money Man and family were in Hawaii last week. Of course, even if they weren't, none of them would be brave enough to come to the Flea and Rat Taxi Stand (my office) to say something directly to me. They're mean spirited and untrustworthy in personal relationships, but they're not that foolhardy. Nor that mature.

I was in the Information Superhighway's office when Money Man showed up on Monday. Being highly intuitive, I could see the flicker of rage behind the mask. Money Man is supremely pissed off at me. Why wouldn't he be? It's all my fault, you know.

He came bearing gifts for the office. Superhighway got a couple of cans of Macadamia nuts for her personal consumption. Well, I was sitting right there. What could he do? There was a moment or two of silence and then he knew there was no alternative to offering me one. You could see how much he really didn't wish to do it, but to not offer was a clear sign of his true feelings. God forbid. Did I take one? Absolutely. It could only piss him off more, right? Excellent.

I haven't seen Lying Boy at the office since their return. Frankly, I was a little surprised about that turn of events. It temporarily delays the necessity of deciding how to deal with him. Daughter is here, so I've got my hands full trying to find the proper tone with her. I'm thinking distant, but superficially friendly.

This whole episode is the biggest reason why I've decided to get my sorry ass up and to the office at 7:00. Less time to see any of them. I'm tired of dealing with Money Man, jollying him up and indulging his narcissism. My ass is in my chair, developing the database for 8 straight hours a day. No lunch period. The only pay-off for me in this is being home at 3:00. This week is a trial run, though. If I can't do the schedule, I won't. I am, after all, not a wuss. He is.

I hesitate to say I won (once again). I think all of this transcends me. It's part of a larger battle between Money Man and Owner. I did get what I wanted, though. Good triumphs over evil once again. I'm giving you that sardonic smile again. I bet you can see it all the way from there.

Weekend Update

I'm taking a tiny break from the database project. Unfortunately, my internal client is picky, picky about turning things into pdf format. I know nothing about Acrobat. Big learning curve here and I'm not sure I'm going to learn easily. Wish me luck.

Hubby had an emergency stress test on Friday. It irritated the hell out of me because I knew from the symptoms that he was fine. Yes, right again. Tingling toes? I'm not familiar with that being a sign of an imminent heart attack. Poor circulation, maybe. I am so cutting to the chase here.

We had a huge storm last night. It left this morning very green and cool for the Southwest at this time of year.

I watched the Democratic debates last night. It was yet another opportunity for me to talk back to the television. I do that all the time. In answer to any questions related to what we can look for in terms of federal assistance (like universal health care of one type or another), I have one thing to say: Iraq.

I won't go on about how irritating I find political posturing to be. Maybe they believe the shit they were dishing out, but it was primarily crap. I was impressed that they all felt okay to weigh in on the questions of "no ask, no tell" policy and the "English as the official language" questions. See? I can, too, be reasonable.