19 March 2008

codependent dot com

I wrote most of a post yesterday and planned to finish today. What have I been doing instead?

Writing cover letter examples and re-working Superhighway's husband's resume. He was fired recently and, boy, do I know how it feels to have an unemployed hubby. It chewed up most of my time here today.

I took two calls from Superhighway's hubby regarding what he should say on an application he's submitting.

I helped my mom with her tax questions. That's okay...I love my mom. I'd do anything for her.

I listened to Crazy complain about her bipolar sister.

I contemplated helping Foot Lady figure out how to help her mom do her taxes. I decided Foot would have to figure it out by herself.

My dearest friend, C., reminded me recently of how these small (okay, the first thing was definitely not small) can drain any energy I have to spare, in addition to any I don't have to spare. I am hereby promising myself that I'm going to work harder on reining myself in.

Finally, I'm taking Thursday and Friday off. No medical visits, just some vital rest time. I plan to see a movie tomorrow. After that, I hope to prevent myself from cleaning my house.

See you next week. Have a lovely Easter weekend (or whatever you celebrate).

18 March 2008

3.18.2008
Yesterday, Hubby gave me a copy of his latest book. This is the book he wrote while he was supposed to be contributing to our income, a source of prodigious conflict between us. It was published by an academic press and, though it's available at your local bookstore and I'd love to recommend it, doing so would require that I reveal personal information about myself. One of the things I love about the blog universe is that it's a private place for me. No one knows me, none of my daily friends even knows this blog exists. I'm truly, deeply myself here, in a way I could never be should those dear and not so dear gain access to it.

As I began reading, I remembered why I love Hubby, why I've loved him more than any single being I've ever met. It recalls for me, immediately and deeply, why our relationship endures despite stress, conflict and both the individual and personal erosions of daily life. Hubby understands my vision of life, the spontaneous recognitions that no one else can see with me. He not only understands, but he remembers and values.

His words cause me to see the world in new ways. They amuse me and move me in the deepest parts of my being. His vision of the world and mine intertwine. Perhaps that's so of all long-term relationships, that all couples create an insular existence, a language and value system uniquely their own. We all share a language singularly ours that communicates when it's time to leave the party or silently share a private joke amidst a crowd.

Our friendship, the many ways he intrigues and calls me to myself, sustain this partnership. We are very different in some critical ways. The erosions of daily life hone our separate personalities into our unique, authentic selves. As we grow into who we are, our differences are clarified and magnified. And yet, it is he who invites me to stand back and look at myself as an individual human being who is worthy of love. It is he who invites me to step back and see him as the magical being sent for me to love. Hubby knows things I don't know, his thought processes work differently than mine. And yet, it is his words that recall for me how deeply our lives are entwined.

3.26.1008
I'm well into the book now, reminded as I read every word, turn every page, that love is a wondrous gift. I'm grateful every day, no matter what, for the person who embodies that gift.