I Clearly Just Need to Make a Few More Adjustments

"YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."
"PRESENT, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope." ~ Ambrose Bierce

This is the way my day is going: I just spent 30 minutes writing an entry and then my computer disappeared it. Like some kind of Nicaraguan death squad. Prior to that, I struggled through my daily fruit chore. Since I was diagnosed with high cholesterol, I've been committed to eating 3 to 5 fruits and vegetables a day. I usually only make it to 4. To eat more would require that I sit around all day, just eating fruits and vegetables. Unfortunately, my schedule doesn't allow that.

Once again, today's apple and orange were crappy. Every weekend, I approach the produce section of my local grocery store with great hope and anticipation that I'll be able to magically light upon some fruit that's actually edible. I've come to terms with the fact that I won't find any really tasty fruit and I've just settled on finding something that doesn't make me gag when I put it in my mouth. Every week, I take a bite from my apple only to find that it's tasteless, sometimes not even crispy and the skin is tough and thick. Do I eat it anyway? Yes I do. I'm committed, you know. After that gastronomical disappointment, I move on to my daily orange. It is invariably fibrous, not sweet and I risk a fingernail or two when I try to peel the stupid thing. (I'm not sure if one actually peels an orange, but this is the only verb I could come up with.) Yes, I eat the damn orange, too. Every week I try different varieties of apples and oranges, but it always ends the same way. Kind of like a one night stand, it's ultimately unsatisfying and you probably could have made a better choice is you'd gone someplace else. I refuse to drive all over town in the hope of finding better fruit, because I'm convinced I'd still end up with crap.

Hubby is meeting with his co-author today to discuss the NPR program they're doing. Close to a year ago, a man who is a major contributor to the arts here in town donated $20K to the local public radio station to do a program based on the book. The station happily stuck that cash right into their nonprofit bank account. At first, the Director said he didn't think they could really do the program. Then he said they probably would, but the authors wouldn't get any money. Now, finally, they are actually going to make the program and, yes, pay the authors. The only snafu left is that they've misplaced $5k. Do these people not get audited? I cannot figure out how you can lose $5K.

As for me, I'm back to being worried about my dog. He had another bout of diarrhea and is not only refusing to eat his prescription food, he won't eat any dog food at all. I've cooked more chicken in the past month than I have in my entire life. So he's getting chicken and rice, 3 times a day, so that he can get his insulin injections. I'm constantly worried that I'm not feeding him enough, that I'm giving him too much insulin for the amount of food he's eating and I anxiously monitor his waste product.

When my father committed suicide, I thought I had finally figured out that I am not in control of anything. I am so with that program when it applies to me. I just float along and whatever happens is just by god going to happen. I get it. But when it comes to other beings, like my dog, I'm still doing my damndest to get the outcome I want. I have an agenda and I'm agressively pursuing it.

The fallacy is that he is going to die. Maybe I can get him well this time, but in two weeks we may be here again. Sooner or later, he's going to go. He's an elderly guy. I always tell myself that as long as I do my very best for him, I can let go when the time comes. Nonetheless, I worry compulsively. I guess this is just another learning experience I've been lucky enough to be handed. I'd really like to just take a break from further emotional growth for a while. Yeah. Like that's ever happened before.

America held hostage day 1323
Bushism of the day:
"What is life choices about?"
—Bush, speaking to student athletes
Source: Federal Document Clearing House, "President Welcomes NCAA Champs," Feb. 24, 2003

Website of the day: Nia: Walk With Us
http://www.introducing.nia-nia.com/tour/whatisnia.html

More Weird and Icky Stuff From the Office

This is a little icky, but here goes. There are numerous bathrooms both upstairs and downstairs at my office. I have a coworker, The Information Superhighway, (the one who was kind enough to show me her Brazilian wax) whose office is on the other side of the building from mine. Lately she's started coming over to my side to visit the restroom.

A few minutes ago, she burst into my office, unannounced, to tell me why she's started coming over here. Not that I care, of course; it's a community bathroom. We have a coworker (Diabetic Lady) who was hired a couple of months ago. She's not the tidiest person in the world. Superhighway informs me that Diabetic Lady has been peeing on the seat of the toilet. Unfortunately, D.L. hasn't been wiping up the pee, either. As if that weren't bad enough, when D.L. uses the toilet paper, it's always hanging to the floor when she leaves.

Diabetic Lady has been the subject of a lot of conversation since she got here. She's a piggy girl. We can always tell when D.L. has been in any room in the building because, when she leaves it, she leaves a trail of some kind behind her. She drops jelly on the kitchen counter and doesn't wipe it up. She allows coffee to dribble down the fronts of the newly painted (white!) cabinets. There's even been some discussion regarding the state of her car's interior.

Well, thank God. You know, if we can't be gossiping about someone, there's really just no point in even coming to work. Everyone gets talked about behind their backs. I don't participate in that activity because, if it's bad enough that I have to talk about it, I'm just going to have to talk directly to that person. Everyone takes great pains to let me know they aren't talking about me. Right. Do I look stupid? Do I care if they do? Not in the slightest; glad I could be of some entertainment value.

So there you go. More info from one of the weirdest places I've ever worked (and that's saying something).

Sheep Love Rumsfeld

"At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols. ~ Aldous Huxley

Are there enough political blogs around without me having to throw my two cents worth in? Definitely, but today I make an exception. Donald Rumsfeld. Can you believe that asshole standing up at a press conference saying that people should be sure of their facts before they tell the public? Can you believe that he then commented that it could cost peoples' lives?

Who does he think he's talking to? Sheep? Someone should point out to him that it was him, Rove, Cheney and Bush who lied about what was or was not going on in Iraq. Do you suppose that he's unaware of how many lives that has cost so far? Not counting the innocent Iraqis here; I mean how many American lives have been lost.

I don't know. Maybe he is talking to sheep. We just seem to keep being herded around by right wing religious zealots who just wish everything would go back to being the way they like to believe it was in 1950. God forbid that they should think. Oh no. Better we should listen to a willfully ignorant, arrogant intellectual midget. Oh, and his friends, of course.

Of course, now I have my blood pressure up. I'd better go meditate or something. I will not be watching the news for a while so that I won't have to be hospitalized for major depression.

America held hostage day 1322
Bushism of the day:
"Maybe between the time I left Camp David and here I'll learn more."
—Bush, speaking to reporters after returning from Camp David
Source: Public Papers of the Presidents, "Remarks on Returning From Camp David, Maryland, and an Exchange with Reporters," March 23, 2003

Website of the day; Informed Comment
http://www.juancole.com/

Uber

I've noted lately that the world "uber" is enjoying some popularity around the Web. What's up with that? I guess every five years or so Amricans light on a German word we really, really like. The last word that I recall generating this much interest was "schadenfreude." That made much more sense to me than uber. Schadenfreude describes something that we don't have a one-word version for in English.

Koan of the Week: Jo Ju's Dog

In honor of my father's birthday.

First Gate: Jo Ju's Dog

A monk once asked Jo Ju, "Does a dog have Buddha-nature?"
Jo Ju answered, "Mu!" (No)

1. Buddha said everything has Buddha-nature. Jo Ju said a dog has no Buddha-nature. Which one is correct?

2. Jo Ju said, "Mu!" What does this mean?

3. I ask you, does a dog have Buddha-nature?

Commentary: Silence is better than holiness, so opening your mouth is a big mistake. But if you use this mistake to save all beings, this is Zen.