First things first. I dressed up today so it definitely looks like I'm going to the party. I'm not particularly committed to it, though. I found out that the food won't even be served until around 5:00. I had originally planned to go at 4:00, have my free meal and leave. No talking to anyone. Well, that's not possible anymore unless I'm just doing hors d'ouvres. Is it worth going for that? I don't know. I guess I need to find someone who knows what kind of hors d'ouvres we're having. I wonder if there's any way I could just do a take out thing. You know, just show up, put some food in a box and head on home.
There was a long, long time in my life when having people be excited I was going to come to a party would have thrilled me. Now, not so much. I think there are a couple of reasons why being likeable isn't a completely positive thing for me. I'm very, very introverted, so being with others can wear my batteries down pretty quickly. I'm also highly empathic, so I just soak up other people's emotions to some extent, even if they don't talk to me about how they're feeling. I've learned how to shut that down a bit, but going to large social gatherings always ends up making me feel frazzled emotionally. If I absolutely have to participate in big social events, I like to find a quiet corner and watch everyone else. I don't think that's going to be possible if I hang around too long. By "too long" I mean past 5:00 p.m., when the food is served.
Well, there's no point in beating this dead horse. I'll either go or I won't. If I had to bet money on it right now, I'd say I'm not going. Just give me the damn box with some meat in it and maybe one of those slightly soggy foil-wrapped potatoes and let me be on my way.
I was going to switch subjects here, but the more I wrote, the clearer it became to me that I just need to write about them separately. There's been a little levity here and the next topic is deadly serious. If you're not interested in my political opinions (and there's no reason anyone should be), just take a pass on the next post.
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