Perhaps You'd Like To Suggest A Nickname

One of my online friends recently asked me (in a perfectly humorous and non-offensive way) how my co-workers might describe me. I've given that a lot of thought. I've noted in previous posts that they might well describe me as "Crazy Cat Lady" or "Useless Too." Oh yeah, there's always "Psychobitch. That's one of my favorites.

Another that came to mind is "Who The Hell Is This Woman Anyway." Better yet, "Mysterious Co-worker." I wonder if it ever occurs to them how little they know about me. Some of them know me better than others, of course. I've known Owner for over 3 decades now. I'm not such a mystery to him. Superhighway knows me better than anyone else other than Owner.

For everyone else, I'm pretty much all surface charm, in an impersonal way. I'm known for making people feel important and listened to. I laugh at their jokes, but only when they're funny. No fake laughing. That's an ego boosting thing, too. I listen (if only vaguely) to their difficulties. I'm not so responsive when they're whining about working at Crazy Land. Get with the (crazy) program, folks, or move on. I'm helpful when called upon. What do they know about me? As much as I wish for them to know. That would be not much.

There are a lot of my own qualities of which I'm not so fond. I'm not sure people know what they are, but then, all the better. It's hard to see myself outside the framework of my own perceptions. Yes, I have qualities I think are funny. Unfortunately, because of the way the day started out, I can't remember what they are. I'm more often deadly serious about the ways I fall short. I'll have to get back to you on that.

The things that aren't funny? I have that list I've mentioned before of people who've mistreated me (on a grand scale, not the stuff that's merely irritating). Once you're on it, it's hard to get off. I'm not sure that could be called vengeful, because I have no interest in doing these people harm. I'm simply keeping track. Nonetheless, probably not one of my better characteristics.

I can be highly critical. Oh, you'd already noticed? How about sardonic? (Well, the sardonic thing may actually be something I like. Again, I'll have to get back to you on that.) Another quality I'm certain you've become intimately acquainted with is my staunch belief that everyone should buck up and stop whining about little things. Note to self: develop more compassion.

Even when I've been friends with someone a long time, I have a limit. When the annoying qualities outweigh the good qualities, I can be ruthless in cutting people out of my life. No looking back. I guess that means I'm not overly loyal.

I can be an intellectual snob. Oh how I hate that about myself, so I'd be less than honest if I didn't own up to it. As a matter of fact, I'm embarrassed by it. I'm working on it, though. Of course, I've been working on it for about two decades now. For a really long time there, it didn't strike me as something I should get over. I'm now a lot clearer about the value of intelligence--it's good for entertaining yourself, but not much else. I like people who are clear thinkers, not necessarily people who are highly educated. There is a difference. Feeling is just as valid as thinking, though. It simply depends on the circumstances.

I don't respond well to less than constructive criticism. Better come armed with some objective reasons, in which case I'll take it under advisement. Otherwise, I will cut you off at the knees. Do not fuck with me. Especially if you're a man. Here again, probably not one of my better qualities.

I'm generally disengaged emotionally. That's a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but other people probably find it troubling. See above.

I have issues with men. I can be unfair and capricious about those issues. There's a vast spectrum of behavior I will not tolerate. Never, ever, ever under any circumstances should men betray the slightest inclination to believe themselves better (in any way) than me or any other woman. I should probably lighten up. Been working on that for a long, long time, too. I'm not optimistic about making it go away.

I'm stubborn. I'm not impressed with authority generally. You're a Senator? Big deal. You might want to give me some other reason why I should treat you differently than anyone else.

More? Of course there's more. I'm far more critical of myself than others. How much time do you have?