"No plan can prevent a stupid person from doing the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time - but a good plan should keep a concentration from forming." ~ Charles Erwin Wilson, 1890-1961
It's another Loathsome story. Who would have guessed? Recall that Loathsome is in charge of a huge project and that he's already made some damn fine progress in screwing it up. The trend continues.
This morning, I opened my intra-office email and found two separate emails from Owner regarding an old Crazy Land employee. The first email informed everyone that Jim Bob Jones (name changed to protect a whole range of people) is ineligible for employment and should not be allowed in the building. The second email contradicted the first--we're hiring him so let him in the building to fill out his paperwork.
I recognized Jim Bob's name immediately and had to stop a phone conversation with my mother because I was so stunned. No wait...surely he means someone else, I thought. Jim Bob worked for us about ten years ago. He suffered a series of minor work-related injuries which, if nothing else, indicates some pretty poor safety habits. Then he shattered some bones in either his leg or his arm. It doesn't matter which. Coincidentally, Jim Bob had been in a bull riding contest over the weekend. Obviously, we had some reason to doubt the cause of the fractures, seeing as how there were no witnesses to the accident at the work site.
Bull riding. What the hell is the deal with that, anyway? I'll never understand it. I've gaged the extraordinary scope of his arrogance and stupidity. It rivals Loathsome's. There is no way that guy could be good enough to make any real money at falling off bulls on a regular basis. However, the list of things that can get permanently injured is endless. Let's start with breaking limbs. I'll bet his genetic heritage is absolutely saturated with stupidity, because he actually told us about the bull riding.
This was a huge, huge workers' comp case. Doctors put Jim Bob on restricted duty for months. I won't bore you with how much that can cost a company or why. Suffice it to say, Crazy Land was in for some major workers' comp problems the next year because of this bull riding pin head. (Note: We don't have any problems with people who are legitimately injured at work, even though they may be off for a significant period of time. Especially if they don't do it repeatedly.) We had no light duty projects to accommodate his particular restrictions. That meant Jim Bob was going to be sitting on his ass at home for the next six months, drinking beer and watching soaps, no doubt. Lost time accidents take a serious toll not only on workers' comp rates, but on our ongoing ability to find and keep customers.
Owner was furious. Jim Bob is arrogant and whiny and snotty. It's a winning combination that doesn't inspire much confidence and certainly not any pity. Owner directed me to give Jim Bob something to do at our office every day for the next six months (or however long the disability lasted).
This is how the Jim Bob Hopkins Memorial Film School was created. I told Jim Bob he'd be watching safety films all day, every day until he was restored to full duty. Just to ensure he wasn't spending his time with us napping or chatting with office employees, he was required to write synopses of each and every safety film. I reviewed them every afternoon. Not only that, but he had to go over to the State Safety Commission, pick up and return his own films each day. I got to approve the list of films. Jim Bob was not going to sneak in repeat films so he could re-use his synopses. All of the reviewing and approving was, to say the least, annoying additions to my then harrowing number of responsibilities.
Jim Bob was eventually released to full duty and resumed his work at our client's site. The next time we were required to make work force reductions at that site, Jim Bob was at the top of the list. Aside from the questionable circumstances of his injury, he had clearly not been working safely for quite some time. Needless to say, the time came when Jim Bob rode his bull into the sunset, falling off all the way.
Yesterday, Loathsome sent over a list of people he was hiring for the big project. Everyone who does hiring is required to check in with me to ensure they're eligible fore rehire, based on their injury record. A flurry of ruffled feathers swept throughout the building. Virtually everyone knows the story of the Jim Bob Memorial Film School, because I bitched about it endlessly while I was essentially babysitting him. I had already gone home for the day, so someone called Loathsome to tell him that Jim Bob is not eligible for rehire. Loathsome then called Jim Bob and told him he's not eligible for rehire. Another brilliant move by Loathsome. Jim Bob wanted to know if that's because of his work-related injuries. Having screwed up royally, Loathsome then punted to Owner to resolve the problem.
Although our company is well within its rights to refuse to hire someone based on a poor safety record, that wouldn't necessarily prevent Jim Bob from attempting to sue. In this state, all it takes is $250 and a rapacious attorney. Like all companies in that situation, we would be compelled to settle a claim (and maybe hire him, anyway) in order not to spend the next decade litigating at an enormous expense to the company.
I hope I'm here when Jim Bob shows up to fill out his employment paperwork. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see me again. I won't mention the fact that we now have a film school named after him. That would be the kind of idiotic thing Loathsome would do. I might ask him how the bull riding is going, though, as if he might be having some success with it. In the meantime, I'm getting the break room ready for some more safety film reviews. Welcome home, Jim Bob, your film school is waiting for you.
America held hostage: Endlessly (I gave up counting long ago)
Bushism of the day:
"I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle. He's bigger than that." --George W. Bush, on former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, as quoted by the Sun newspaper, June 27, 200
Find your own gems at http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm
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