IQ Tests. What the Hell.

I've wasted most of my day today attempting to verify my IQ scores. My SAT scores placed me in the top 1% and I scored 136 onthe last IQ test I took. Big deal. I periodically get really obsessed with my IQ, as if it matters one tiny little bit to anything. I suppose I'm feeling insecure or needing some pats on the head. It's kind of pathetic, Really. Oops. I'm trying really hard these days to cut myself some slack and calling myself pathetic probably doesn't qualify as slack. I was surfing around, looking at high IQ societies to figure out if I could get in one. I could get into several, but I don't even want to be in one. My impression of those groups is that they involve a lot of solving those stupid murder mystery things where everyone plays a part...sort of like participatory theatre except nowhere near as interesting as real art. Boring. If they're so smart, why are they wasting their time with that bullshit? I've been laying low in my office these days. My stress level rises exponentially whenever i have to interact with j. You know, I've given him too much credit. I always thought that he must surely have insight into his own behavior. Other people, including my therapist, have convinced me that I'm incorrect. The unfortunate facts are that he is self-righteous, bigoted, narcissitic and a hypocrite. Of course, while I'm typing this, I'm thinking "He's just a very wounded person who's deserving of my compassion." I think there are always at least two ways to interpret people's behavior and I always select the nobler interpretation. Though it may be correct that most people don't act out of their highest self, I have a great resistance to changing my approach. It doesn't hurt me in any way to believe that people are kinder, smarter, etc. I don't let them get close no matter what their motivations or inclinations. The problem is that people (including me) tend to behave in hurtful ways out of their own blindness or weakness or pain. Mainly pain, I think. So you just naturally want to keep them at arm's length until one can discern each person's level of self-awareness. My therapist thinks that my standards may be a little stringent. She keeps telling me that if I would venture out of my safety zone, I might find people who could appreciate me. I'm not going to be finding that appreciation at work, that's for sure. It's a little late in the day to start talking about why that's so, but believe me, it's very true.I'm supposed to be proofreading someone else's work and, of course, I've been avoiding it by writing this post. They request so little of me. I guess I'm going to try to complete that task before I go. Still missing you, Becky.