The Jamie Saga for Becky

"You desire to know the art of living, my friend? It is contained in one phrase: make use of suffering." Henri-Frederic Amiel Henri-Frédéric Amiel

A couple of weeks after you died, I contacted Jamie since you told me he called you some months back. I wanted to try to forestall any additional contact, knowing that Bill would probably be enraged. I tried to track Jamie down via the web, but his name was too common and I thought he was probably still living in California. that gave me the idea (and the opportunity) to contact E.U. I found his email address on the web...I knew he was living here, because I periodically do searches for a couple of my old lovers to see what they're up to these days. No, as a matter of fact, that does not constitute stalking.

I digress...more on that later. anyway, I finally got in touch with Jamie and we agreed to get together for lunch one Saturday not long ago. He greeted me with the statement that he hadn't seen you in 15 years. I thought that was odd an odd way to start the conversation. I wanted to do some general catching up before we started the serious conversation about you and Ken. I asked what he's been up to for the past 30 years or so. He told me that he got his master's degee after a lot of screwing around, had a job in California that lasted nine years, quit that job and he hasn't found a comparable job since then. It turns out he's been here for the past five years, working as a handyman. He pointed out to me that he hasn't "accomplished" anything.

I have to admit, the handyman thing really threw me for a loop. You know I don't care if he's accomplished anything or that he's a handyman. I guess I just expected someone with his talent and intelligence would find a less difficult and more financially rewarding way to spend his time.
He said that he was married once, for a year. Jamie said that his wife was younger (i don't doubt that--I'm sure it's hard to find women his age who are interested in getting into a long term relationship with a man with such low expectations in life) and was in her senior year in college when they wed . He said she told him she wanted to continue to live on campus for that year so she could be active in campus activities. Well, okay, that's pretty weird. What kind of lame ass person wants to voluntarily live on campus when she's a senior? And married. He said that at the end of her senior year, she just came over one day and told him she wanted a divorce. Out of the blue. I'm sorry, but that makes me laugh every time I think about it.

Generally speaking, I think it's a good idea to be a little bit concerned when your spouse would rather live in a dorm than live with you, if only because sex is so much more inconvenient that way. He said she was a film major and she made him go to see movies constantly. He complained that she made him sit through all of the credits at the end of all the movies they ever saw. Doesn't sound like much of a love connection there, does it? I wish I'd asked more, because now that I think back, there are a number of questions I'd like to ask. You know, just for fun.

So then he worked for some company doing what sounded like technical writing. I thought maybe I could help him get a contractor job, but he was so vague about what he wanted to do that I still haven't quite figured out what he's looking for. I called him about one job, but he told me he didn't think he had the technical skills for it. My therapist (and my mom) thought it was exceedingly rude that he didn't say thank you for the call. It actually hadn't occured to me until they pointed it out to me. then I got really concerned that Jamie really just likes being a handyman and just doesn't wish to tell me. I didn't want to call him up if it made him feel bad.

When i told my husband about lunching with Jamie, i commented that we always had some difficulty communicating. He thought i meant that i didn't like him. Frankly, i couldn't exactly remember what the exact issue. After our lunch date, though, the problem became abundantly clear. Jamie just likes to complain. He complained about his ex-wife (well, okay, I guess everyone does that), the job he used to have, the jobs he had in between this job, his current job, the fact that old friends are making more money than he does.

I'm sure I spent a lot of the conversation looking at him in complete bewilderment. As you know, I'm a big proponent of getting your shit together and doing something productive to solve your unhappiness. I think when we were younger, I believed my inability to understand his general unhappiness was due to some lack of insight or attention on my part. It wasn't me, after all. I wonder if he complained to you all the time. Surely not. I wish I could ask you.

There's so much more to tell, but my attention is drifting a bit, so I'll have to finish the tale tomorrow.