Reasons Why He Made The Decision, Part 1

"I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime." ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Ten years before my father's suicide, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He had watched the disease ravage one of his brothers, ultimately leaving him paralyzed and at the mercy of other people whom he'd mistreated for years. My uncle's family apparently repaid him in kind and his long deterioration was accompanied by cruelty, I've been told.

My father was successfully treated for his cancer, but he was never able or willing to let go of the fear that he, too, would one day find himself unable to move, unable to think and completely dependent on others. No one, not the oncologists, not my mother, not I could make him see past his delusion. Of course, when my Mom had thyroid cancer, my dad was convinced she would die, too. Ever the optimist, my dad.

This was the beginning of the end for him.