Panic off. Instead of relying on rumors, Owner has turned up some reliable sources regarding the financial health of our clients.
Owner is back from his sick bed and maniacally focused on sending the business into the proverbial trash can. Today, I'm angry. Golf Pro and his father, a stockholder, are planning to suck up one of the clients the Pro has carefully cultivated over the years by neglecting. By the way, this is Pro's only client and one that existed prior to his employment. Pro foolishly believes this one client will provide him with the exorbitant lifestyle he's come to wallow in. In the words of Bob Dylan, it's a hard rain gonna fall.
Mr. Moneybags will no longer command his 6-figure income, nor will he have Crazy Land to purchase his vehicle. Owner is completely incapable of getting a job. Once we shut Crazy Land down, collecting outstanding debt will become vexing. However, Land's debtors will inside on being paid. Where will all the money come from to support Owner's grown children, his massive credit card debt and to support his own lavish lifestyle?
I'm at least realistic about the changes Crazy Land's demise will have on my life. I have not grown accustomed to unrealistic pay rates. (See previous post.) I have breast cancer. Money is not my highest priority.
I'm angry about injustice, I'm angry about stupidity and greed. Relentless impending doom, when it's not yet warranted, irritates me.
By all means, shut it down. Let's all try to find our way. Before the end, though, several people will need to clear their schedules for a final interview with Ggirl. You cannot imagine the fear and trembling that can evoke.
12.4.08
Rule Number One for Living in Crazy Land: Let go of ego and resentment.
Thanksgiving being (thankfully) over, the Festal Pig has returned to plague Crazy Land with jingly bling. I dream of everyone on the planet having enough food to eat, shelter from the elements and hope for the future. I dream of peace among all people.
Hubby has a job--an actual get-up-in-the-morning, get-paid-regularly job. I found the job listing online one day when it dawned on me that the Texas Legislature will be convening in January. I remembered that they always need proofreaders. Hubby is one of the best proofreaders I've ever known. He's had a series of eight interviews, most of them running about ninety minutes. Today they called and offered employment. I'll bet you can hear my sigh of relief. 
Even Crazy Land has its moments. I was unaccountably in high spirits today and spread cheer around the office. My mood improved when seafood lunch was provided for all by aforementioned Crazy Land. God knows I deserve it. Well, we probably all do, except for Golf Pro. Golf Pro, of course, was not here. Though Owner would say he's working hard, the rest of us know he's working hard on a beer by now.
Hubby's looking for a job; I'm looking for a job. The entire world is looking for a job. While looking, while working, I'm obsessed with the multitude of Senate and House hearings and subcommittee hearings. I've learned a lot, enough to enrage me. Rage, however, doesn't result in employment potential. Oddly enough, when detailing my professional goals, wreaking vengeance on the architects of our global crisis most likely will result in no calls. Such a pity. I do spiteful so well.
I just found out how much Golf Pro makes (note that I did not say "earns"). One of the many reasons why it's best that I don't own firearms.
It took a while to slog through my dad's anniversary. Actually, I think I'm still wading through some sadness.
Hubby and I are at an impasse today. Last night, I lost patience with him when I told him I was having therapy today and he seemed to be exasperated with the endless nature of my medical/psychological needs. 
Helping A Survivor Heal
Historian Arnold Toynbee once wrote, "There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved." Unfortunately, many survivors of suicide suffer alone and in silence. The silence that surrounds them often complicates the healing that comes from being encouraged to mourn.
Because of the social stigma surrounding suicide, survivors feel the pain of the loss, yet may not know how, or where, or if, they should express it. Yet, the only way to heal is to mourn. Just like other bereaved persons grieving the loss of someone loved, suicide survivors need to talk, to cry, sometimes to scream, in order to heal.
As a result of fear and misunderstanding, survivors of suicide deaths are often left with a feeling of abandonment at a time when they desperately need unconditional support and understanding. Without a doubt, suicide survivors suffer in a variety of ways: one, because they need to mourn the loss of someone who has died; two, because they have experienced a sudden, typically unexpected traumatic death; and three, because they are often shunned by a society unwilling to enter into the pain of their grief.
How Can You Help?
A friend or family member has experienced the death of someone loved from suicide. You want to help, but you are not sure how to go about it. This page will guide you in ways to turn your cares and concerns into positive action.
Accept The Intensity Of The Grief
Grief following a suicide is always complex. Survivors don't "get over it." Instead, with support and understanding they can come to reconcile themselves to its reality. Don't be surprised by the intensity of their feelings. Sometimes, when they least suspect it, they may be overwhelmed by feelings of grief. Accept that survivors may be struggling with explosive emotions, guilt, fear and shame, well beyond the limits experienced in other types of deaths. Be patient, compassionate and understanding.
Listen With Your Heart
Assisting suicide survivors means you must break down the terribly costly silence. Helping begins with your ability to be an active listener. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judgment are critical helping tools. Willingness to listen is the best way to offer help to someone who needs to talk.
Thoughts and feelings inside the survivor may be frightening and difficult to acknowledge. Don't worry so much about what you will say. Just concentrate on the words that are being shared with you.
Your friend may relate the same story about the death over and over again. Listen attentively each time. Realize this repetition is part of your friend's healing process. Simply listen and understand. And, remember, you don't have to have the answer.
Avoid Simplistic Explanations and Clichés
Words, particularly clichés, can be extremely painful for a suicide survivor. Clichés are trite comments often intended to diminish the loss by providing simple solutions to difficult realities. Comments like, "You are holding up so well," "Time will heal all wounds," "Think of what you still have to be thankful for" or "You have to be strong for others" are not constructive. Instead, they hurt and make a friend's journey through grief more difficult.
Be certain to avoid passing judgment or providing simplistic explanations of the suicide. Don't make the mistake of saying the person who suicided was "out of his or her mind." Informing a survivor that someone they loved was "crazy or insane" typically only complicates the situation. Suicide survivors need help in coming to their own search for understanding of what has happened. In the end, their personal search for meaning and understanding of the death is what is really important.
Be Compassionate
Give your friend permission to express his or her feelings without fear of criticism. Learn from your friend. Don't instruct or set explanations about how he or she should respond. Never say "I know just how you feel." You don't. Think about your helping role as someone who "walks with," not "behind" or "in front of" the one who is bereaved.
Familiarize yourself with the wide spectrum of emotions that many survivors of suicide experience. Allow your friend to experience all the hurt, sorrow and pain that he or she is feeling at the time. And recognize tears are a natural and appropriate expression of the pain associated with the loss.
Respect The Need To Grieve
Often ignored in their grief are the parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, spouses and children of persons who have suicided. Why? Because of the nature of the death, it is sometimes kept a secret. If the death cannot be talked about openly, the wounds of grief will go unhealed.
As a caring friend, you may be the only one willing to be with the survivors. Your physical presence and permissive listening create a foundation for the healing process. Allow the survivors to talk, but don't push them. Sometimes you may get a cue to back off and wait. If you get a signal that this is what is needed, let them know you are ready to listen if, and when, they want to share their thoughts and feelings.
Understand The Uniqueness Of Suicide Grief
Keep in mind that the grief of suicide survivors is unique. No one will respond to the death of someone loved in exactly the same way. While it may be possible to talk about similar phases shared by survivors, everyone is different and shaped by experiences in his or her life.
Because the grief experience is unique, be patient. The process of grief takes a long time, so allow your friend to process the grief at his or her own pace. Don't criticize what is inappropriate behavior. Remember the death of someone to suicide is a shattering experience. As a result of this death, your friend's life is under reconstruction.
Be Aware Of Holidays And Anniversaries
Survivors of suicide may have a difficult time during special occasions like holidays and anniversaries. These events emphasize the absence of the person who has died. Respect the pain as a natural expression of the grief process. Learn from it. And, most importantly, never try to take the hurt away.
Use the name of the person who has died when talking to survivors. Hearing the name can be comforting and it confirms that you have not forgotten this important person who was so much a part of their lives.
Be Aware Of Support Groups
Support groups are one of the best ways to help survivors of suicide. In a group, survivors can connect with other people who share the commonality of the experience. They are allowed and encouraged to tell their stories as much, and as often, as they like. You may be able to help survivors locate such a group. This practical effort on your part will be appreciated. (See Directory of SOS Support Groups on main page)
Respect Faith And Spirituality
If you allow them, a survivor will "teach you" about their feelings regarding faith and spirituality. If faith is part of their lives, let them express it in ways that seem appropriate. If they are mad at God, encourage them to talk about it. Remember, having anger at God speaks of having a relationship with God. Don't be a judge, be a loving friend.
Survivors may also need to explore how religion may have complicated their grief. They may have been taught that persons who take their own lives are doomed to hell. Your task is not to explain theology, but to listen and learn. Whatever the situation, your presence and desire to listen without judging are critical helping tools.
Work Together As Helpers
Friends and family who experience the death of someone to suicide must no longer suffer alone and in silence. As helpers, you need to join with other caring persons to provide support and acceptance for survivors who need to grieve in healthy ways.
To experience grief is the result of having loved. Suicide survivors must be guaranteed this necessity. While the above guidelines on this page will be helpful, it is important to recognize that helping a suicide survivor heal will not be an easy task. You may have to give more concern, time and love than you ever knew you had. But this effort will be more than worth it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
A (not complete) list of Internet resources on breast cancer. Inclusion in this list does not necessarily imply a recommendation.
From Survivors of Suicide(Note from Ggirl: Please pay special attention to element #10.)
Understanding Suicide - Common Elements
No single explanation can account for all self-destructive behavior. Edwin Shneidman, a clinical psychologist who is a leading authority on suicide, described ten characteristics that are commonly associated with completed suicide. Schneidman's list includes features that occur most frequently and may help us understand many cases of suicide.
1. The common purpose of suicide is to seek a solution.
Suicide is not a pointless or random act. To people who think about ending their own lives, suicide represents an answer to an otherwise insoluble problem or a way out of some unbearable dilemma. It is a choice that is somehow preferable to another set of dreaded circumstances, emotional distress, or disability, which the person fears more than death.
Attraction to suicide as a potential solution may be increased by a family history of similar behavior. If someone else whom the person admired or cared for has committed suicide, then the person is more likely to do so.
2. The common goal of suicide is cessation of consciousness.
People who commit suicide seek the end of the conscious experience, which to them has become an endless stream of distressing thoughts with which they are preoccupied. Suicide offers oblivion.
3. The common stimulus (or information input) in suicide is intolerable psychological pain.
Excruciating negative emotions - including shame, guilt, anger, fear, and sadness - frequently serve as the foundation for self-destructive behavior. These emotions may arise from any number of sources.
4. The common stressor in suicide is frustrated psychological needs.
People with high standards and expectations are especially vulnerable to ideas of suicide when progress toward these goals is suddenly frustrated. People who attribute failure or disappointment to their own shortcomings may come to view themselves as worthless, incompetent or unlovable. Family turmoil is an especially important source of frustration to adolescents. Occupational and interpersonal difficulties frequently precipitate suicide among adults. For example, rates of suicide increase during periods of high unemployment (Yang et al.,1992).
5. The common emotion in suicide is hopelessness-helplessness.
A pervasive sense of hopelessness, defined in terms of pessimistic expectations about the future, is even more important than other forms of negative emotion, such as anger and depression, in predicting suicidal behavior (Weishaar & Beck, 1992). The suicidal person is convinced that absolutely nothing can be done to improve his or her situation; no one else can help.
6. The common internal attitude in suicide is ambivalence.
Most people who contemplate suicide, including those who eventually kill themselves, have ambivalent feelings about this decision. They are sincere in their desire to die, but they simultaneously wish that they could find another way out of their dilemma.
7. The common cognitive state in suicide is constriction.
Suicidal thoughts and plans are frequently associated with a rigid and narrow pattern of cognitive activity that is comparable to tunnel vision. The suicidal person is temporarily unable or unwilling to engage in effective problem-solving behaviors and may see his or her options in extreme, all or nothing terms. As Shneidman points out, slogans such as "death before dishonor" may have a certain emotional appeal, but they do not provide a sensible basis for making decisions about how to lead your life.
8. The common action in suicide is escape.
Suicide provides a definitive way to escape from intolerable circumstances, which include painful self-awareness (Baumeister, 1990).
9. The common interpersonal act in suicide is communication of intention.
One of the most harmful myths about suicide is the notion that people who really want to kill themselves don't talk about it. Most people who commit suicide have told other people about their plans. Many have made previous suicidal gestures. Schneidman estimates that in at least 80 percent of completed suicides, the people provide verbal or behavioral clues that indicate clearly their lethal intentions.
10. The common consistency in suicide is with life-long coping patterns. During crisis that precipitate suicidal thoughts, people generally employ the same response patterns that they have used throughout their lives. For example, people who have refused to ask for help in the past are likely to persist in that pattern, increasing their sense of isolation.
SOURCE: Thomas F. Oltmanns, Robert E. Emery
This is the second day in a row that I've devoted almost entirely to Loathsome's computer. IT Boy is on his two-week honeymoon, which leaves us without any computer support.
From the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention(Note from ggirl: From my extensive reading about suicide, I've learned that people who wish to kill themselves badly enough will find a way. It's impossible to watch someone 24 hours a day, guarding them from their own demons. Furthermore, hospitalization is by no means a sure thing. My own father was hospitalized several weeks before he shot himself. Some statistics cite a precipitous upswing in suicides immediately following hospitalization.
We must do whatever we can to prevent the suicide of the people we love (or those we don't), but my point is that it is never our fault that someone else succeeds in checking out. There's always plenty of guilt over the survivors' sense of responsibility for not stopping it. If you've lost someone to self homicide, please check into groups like Survivors of Suicide where you can get support from those who walk in your shoes.)
Facts and Figures
General
Youth
Older People
Depression
Alcohol and Suicide
Firearms and Suicide
Medical Illness and Suicide
Studies indicate that the best way to prevent suicide is through the early recognition and treatment of depression and other psychiatric illnesses.
Figures from the National Center for Health Statistics for the year 2005.
Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are but princes that are waiting to see us act just once with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest essence, something helpless that needs our love.
From the American Cancer Society
There is no sure way to prevent breast cancer. But there are things all women can do that might reduce their risk and help increase the odds that if cancer does occur, it is found at an early, more treatable stage.
Lowering your risk: You can lower your risk of breast cancer by changing those risk factors that can be changed. If you limit alcohol use, exercise regularly, and keep a healthy weight, you are decreasing your risk of getting breast cancer. Women who choose to breast-feed for at least several months may also reduce their breast cancer risk.
Not using post-menopausal hormone therapy (PHT) if you don't need it can also help you avoid raising your risk.
Finding breast cancer early: It is also important for women to follow the American Cancer Society's guidelines for finding breast cancer early. (See the section, "How is breast cancer found?")
For women who are or may be at increased risk
If you have a higher risk for breast cancer there may be some things you can do to reduce your chances of getting breast cancer. Before deciding which, if any, of these may be right for you, talk with your doctor.
Genetic testing: There are tests that can tell if a woman has certain changed (mutated) genes linked to breast cancer. With this information, women can then take steps to reduce their risk. Recently the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force made recommendations for genetic testing. They suggest that only women with a strong family history be evaluated for genetic testing for BRCA mutations. This group is only about 2% of adult women in the United States.
If you are thinking about genetic testing, you should talk to a genetic counselor, nurse, or doctor qualified to explain the results of these tests. It is very important that you know what genetic testing can and can't tell you, and to carefully weigh the benefits and risks of testing before these tests are done. Testing is expensive and may not be covered by some health insurance plans. For more information, see our document, Genetic Testing: What You Need to Know.
Breast cancer chemoprevention: Chemoprevention is the use of drugs to reduce the risk of cancer. Many drugs have been studied for use in lowering breast cancer risk. The drug tamoxifen has already been used for many years as a treatment for some types of breast cancer. Studies have shown that women at high risk for breast cancer are less likely to get the disease if they take tamoxifen. Another drug, raloxifene, has been approved to help reduce breast cancer risk in women past menopause who are at high risk for breast cancer. Other drugs are also being studied.
Preventive surgery for women with very high breast cancer risk: For the few women who have a very high risk for breast cancer, preventive surgery such as bilateral (double) mastectomy may be an option.
Preventive (prophylactic) double (bilateral) mastectomy: For some who are at very high risk for breast cancer, this surgery (a double mastectomy) may be an option. In this operation both breasts are removed before there is any known breast cancer. While this operation removes nearly all of the breast tissue, a small amount remains. So although this operation greatly reduces the risk of breast cancer, the disease can still start in the breast tissue that remains after surgery. To date, this has been a rare problem.
The reasons for thinking about this type of surgery need to be very strong. There is no way to know ahead of time whether this surgery will benefit a particular woman. A second opinion is strongly recommended before making a decision to have this type of surgery.
Preventive ovary removal (prophylactic oophorectomy): Women with a certain gene change (BRCA mutation) who have their ovaries removed may reduce their risk of breast cancer by half or more. This is because taking out the ovaries removes the main sources of estrogen in the body.
Although this document is not about ovarian cancer, it is important that women with this gene change also know that they also have a high risk of getting ovarian cancer. Most doctors recommend that these women have their ovaries removed after they are done having children.
Stages of Breast Cancer. Cancer stage is based on the size of the tumor, whether the cancer is invasive or non-invasive, whether lymph nodes are involved, and whether the cancer has spread beyond the breast.
The purpose of the staging system is to help organize the different factors and some of the personality features of the cancer into categories, in order to:
Stage 0 is used to describe non-invasive breast cancers, such as DCIS and LCIS. In stage 0, there is no evidence of cancer cells or non-cancerous abnormal cells breaking out of the part of the breast in which they started, or of getting through to or invading neighboring normal tissue.
Stage I describes invasive breast cancer (cancer cells are breaking through to or invading neighboring normal tissue) in which:
Stage II is divided into subcategories known as IIA and IIB.
Stage IIA describes invasive breast cancer in which:
Stage IIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
Stage III is divided into subcategories known as IIIA, IIIB, and IIIC.
Stage IIIA describes invasive breast cancer in which either:
Stage IIIB describes invasive breast cancer in which:
Stage IIIC describes invasive breast cancer in which:
Stage IV describes invasive breast cancer in which:
"Metastatic at presentation" means that the breast cancer has spread beyond the breast and nearby lymph nodes, even though this is the first diagnosis of breast cancer. The reason for this is that the primary breast cancer was not found when it was only inside the breast. Metastatic cancer is considered stage IV.
You may also hear terms such as "early" or "earlier" stage, "later," or "advanced" stage breast cancer. Although these terms are not medically precise (they may be used differently by different doctors), here is a general idea of how they apply to the official staging system:
Doctors use a staging system to determine how far a cancer has spread. The most common system is the TNM staging system. You may hear the cancer described by three characteristics:
The T (size) category describes the original (primary) tumor:
The N (node involvement) category describes whether or not the cancer has reached nearby lymph nodes:
The M (metastasis) category tells whether there are distant metastases (whether the cancer has spread to other parts of body):
Once the pathologist knows your T, N, and M characteristics, they are combined in a process called stage grouping, and an overall stage is assigned.
For example, a T1, N0, M0 breast cancer would mean that the primary breast tumor:
This cancer would be grouped as a stage I cancer.
From breastcancer.org“Chemo brain” or “chemo fog” are terms used for thinking and memory difficulty that some associate with chemotherapy treatment. While some research suggests a link between chemotherapy and problems with thinking and memory, findings are not yet consistent and more studies need to be done. What we do know is that for many breast cancer patients, “chemo brain” is a very real issue. You may not remember where you put your keys or why you went to the store, or you may simply not be able to think of the right word. Join us to find out how other aspects of treatment can affect your cognitive abilities, learn ways to improve your mental skills, get the latest research on chemo brain, and more. | |
| Join us tomorrow night between 7:00 p.m. and 8:30 p.m (EDT)* for this month's Ask-the-Expert Online Conference: Managing Chemo Brain. Christina Meyers, Ph.D., A.B.P.P. and George Sledge, M.D. will answer your questions about how long memory issues can last, what you can do to keep your brain active including tips to sharpen your memory, and more. | |
| Christina Meyers, Ph.D., A.B.P.P. is a board certified neuropsychologist. She created the Neuropsychology Service in the newly formed Department of Neuro-Oncology at M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in 1984. | |
| George Sledge, M.D. is the Ballvé-Lantero Professor of Oncology at Indiana University at Indianapolis, where he co-directs Indiana University Simon Cancer Center's Breast Cancer Program. | |
| If you'd like to ask a question for our MANAGING CHEMO BRAIN conference, but will not be able to join the conference tomorrow night, you can submit your question now. | |
| We'll answer as many questions as we can during the conference. A conference transcript will be posted at Breastcancer.org by October 22, 2008. | |
| To join the conference, visit Breastcancer.org any time between 7:00 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. EDT* tomorrow night and click on the "Join Conference" button. It’s easy to participate; no special software is required. The live conference will appear in text on your screen. | |
| Visit the Ask-the-Expert Online Conference page for more details. |
Owner came into my office yesterday morning and delivered a rambling recitation of the reasons why Crazy Land was being terminated with extreme prejudice. They were perfectly understandable in this rough and tumble economic environment. Unfortunately, at least some of the information upon which the decision was made was purely speculative. Rumors. 
From the National Cancer InstituteScreening for breast cancer before there are symptoms can be important. Screening can help doctors find and treat cancer early. Treatment is more likely to work well when cancer is found early.
Your doctor may suggest the following screening tests for breast cancer:
You should ask your doctor about when to start and how often to check for breast cancer.
To find breast cancer early, NCI recommends that:
Mammograms can often show a breast lump before it can be felt. They also can show a cluster of tiny specks of calcium. These specks are called microcalcifications. Lumps or specks can be from cancer, precancerous cells, or other conditions. Further tests are needed to find out if abnormal cells are present.
If an abnormal area shows up on your mammogram, you may need to have more x-rays. You also may need a biopsy. A biopsy is the only way to tell for sure if cancer is present. (The "Diagnosis" section has more information on biopsy.)
Mammograms are the best tool doctors have to find breast cancer early. However, mammograms are not perfect:
Mammograms (as well as dental x-rays, and other routine x-rays) use very small doses of radiation. The risk of any harm is very slight, but repeated x-rays could cause problems. The benefits nearly always outweigh the risk. You should talk with your health care provider about the need for each x-ray. You should also ask for shields to protect parts of your body that are not in the picture.
During a clinical breast exam, your health care provider checks your breasts. You may be asked to raise your arms over your head, let them hang by your sides, or press your hands against your hips.
Your health care provider looks for differences in size or shape between your breasts. The skin of your breasts is checked for a rash, dimpling, or other abnormal signs. Your nipples may be squeezed to check for fluid.
Using the pads of the fingers to feel for lumps, your health care provider checks your entire breast, underarm, and collarbone area. A lump is generally the size of a pea before anyone can feel it. The exam is done on one side, then the other. Your health care provider checks the lymph nodes near the breast to see if they are enlarged.
A thorough clinical breast exam may take about 10 minutes.
You may perform monthly breast self-exams to check for any changes in your breasts. It is important to remember that changes can occur because of aging, your menstrual cycle, pregnancy, menopause, or taking birth control pills or other hormones. It is normal for breasts to feel a little lumpy and uneven. Also, it is common for your breasts to be swollen and tender right before or during your menstrual period.
You should contact your health care provider if you notice any unusual changes in your breasts.
Breast self-exams cannot replace regular screening mammograms and clinical breast exams. Studies have not shown that breast self-exams alone reduce the number of deaths from breast cancer.
| You may want to ask the doctor the following questions about screening:
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