16 November 2007

Just Another Day In Crazy Land

"In individuals, insanity is rare, but in groups, parties, nations and epochs it is the rule." ~ Fredrich Nietschze (He got at least part of it right.)

It's been a busy day here in Crazy Land. Work, work, work. Don't they know I have more important things to do?

Good news: Loathsome is back on the big project and out of the office. Bad news: He's been calling about every 30 minutes with computer problems. Lying Boy (our fabulous IT "professional") has been out, so I've been the designated go-to girl. Basically, that means that I listen to him whine for a while, tell him (for the umpteenth time) that I can't help him, then I wait for his next call. The scuttlebutt around the office is that he's unhappy with the onsite printer he's been given. It's old. Loathsome does not do old. Unless it's really, really old (like antique Tibetan Buddhist altars) or he can dress it up in coordinated, tasteful clothing.

Mr. Moneybags swears that Loathsome is sabotaging the printer so he can get a brand, spanking new one. I don't know. Mr. Moneybags has an obsession with co-workers sabotaging things from databases to (now) printers. It could just be another manifestation of this particular nuttiness. I do know that Loathsome only wants the shiniest, newest, most aesthetically pleasing everything. That would, of course, include printers.

I'm officially taking wagers on how long it will be before he drops another multi-million dollar tool. Second wager is how long he will hide the fact that he's done it again. Get your dollars in now. You snooze, you lose. My best (based on previous experience) estimate is about a week until the accident. We won't find out about it for two or three.

I've been filling out Environmental Health and Safety forms (part of my ever so eclectic job description) all morning for Hemorrhoid Guy. Every last one of our clients asks for different information. The same client can require different types of information from year to year. It's fine; I only have to search through old files to ferret out the bits of data to suit their capricious desires.

Hey, I'm versatile. I'm flexible. I have no problem with said searching. The hitch in the whole process is that, though Crazy Employee has graced us with her presence, she's too busy making personal calls to answer the phone. The Information Superhighway and the receptionist were both out this morning, so I was answering the phone. (Hence the ongoing Loathsome encounters.) It slows down the data search considerably.

That brings me to the final Crazy Land anecdote for the day. It's time for Crazy Employee to update the employee manuals. We have new workers' comp insurance forms that haven't been included in all of the old manuals. When Information Superhighway told Crazy that she'd given the last of the manuals to The Ladies' Man, Crazy replied that she'd just had the receptionist put some more together. Superhighway repeated the problem, then took Crazy over to show her the empty cabinets where the manuals should be.

No, this time Crazy Employee did not cry. Let me not understate the significance of this show of self-control. However, she did grab a handful of hair from both sides of her head and moaned "Oh God, no!" Even the residents of Crazy Land are baffled by her hatred of the dreaded employee manuals.

Crazy doesn't have to copy them; we send them to Kinkos. She doesn't have to punch holes. She does not have to collate. All she has to do is place the main text in a binder, with pages that require signatures in the front pockets. The back pocket contains special information (like workers' comp insurance information, for instance). And it turns out she's delegating the task to the receptionist. That's what we all love about Crazy Employee. She's completely incomprehensible.

I have therapy today, so it's an early day for me. I probably won't get around to checking in on my blog friends or even responding to comments and posts. I'll be back to my regular routine as soon as possible.

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